The start of our Journey..

I have talked some on here about our heartache of having a hard time conceiving. At the time I wasn't sure if it was the "proper" or "right" thing to do. Over time I would stumble across other women's blogs who also had a longing to conceive a child. Some of them just gave me comfort in knowing I wasn't alone, others were stories of hope, women who had been trying to get pregnant for months, or years and FINALLY did. So i decided to write this not so that people would feel sorry for me, or think that our way was the right way, but to maybe provide a glimmer of hope for women still trying, pleading with the Lord to bless them with a child.

I'm not sure what caused all this baby fever last year. I do know it all started around the time of Wade's first birthday. Brody and I had joked about it some but at some point the joking turned to serious planning and deciding that it was the right time for us to try for another sweet blessing. So last August marked our first month of "trying."

After several unsuccessful months of trying, Brody and I discussed and decided we (mainly me) were trying/thinking too hard about it. So we did the not try but not prevent method for a month or two.

April rolls around, and I visit with my doctor who assures me we are both healthy and there is nothing physically stopping us from getting pregnant. My doctor says if nothing has happened by June, he would be more than happy to get my in to see a specialist and "make" this happen. My heart just wasn't ready for that. I knew deep down this little miracle rested in the Lord's hands, and with that in HIS timing. Even with that being said, the heartache and disappointment was still there each month. I tried to remind myself not to question the Lord but I just didn't understand. We didn't even have to TRY for Wade. 5 months of marriage and then we found out our little blessing was on the way.

June arrived and with it AF. Was I just missing my fertile window? Did I have my dates wrong? I started doing some research on fertility monitors and came across the Clearblue fertility monitor. All the reviews were great. Women in their 40s were getting pregnant with the second month of use, strike that nearly all the reviews were saying pregnant within the second month of use. So I came up with a little pitch to give to Brody. These things aren't cheap and my husband is! I could just hear it now, you want to buy what? I don't think so. But to my surprise he was totally into it. He thought it was a great idea. I think he was just glad to hear I still wasn't ready to see a fertility specialist. I knew the words Clomid and Multiples were flashing in his head when he thought about a fertility doctor. So I purchased this "magic" monitor.

I started using it in July. It was pretty cool, it gave high fertility days and then two ovulation days. This took all the guess work out of things. August came with major disappointment. I realized we had officially been trying for a little over a year. I was pretty teary in the evenings. I would watch Wade and see the joy and love that he brought to Brody and I and I longed for him to be a big brother and have a sibling to love on. Brody assured me it would happen and that we had only used the monitor for one month. At least give it one more try before we move on he said. It was in this month that I began praying for the Lord to change my heart if it wasn't going to happen. The longing and desire to have a life form in my body was too much to bare. My heart was heavy and hurt.

Fast forward to September, I had been more tired than usual and pretty sensitive. I told myself it was nothing, all in my head. "I will not convince myself again that this month is the month." But Brody had notice these signs as well and commented on them. Again, I told him he could be the optimist in the relationship, I was NOT going to be disappointment this month. Well as you would know all the talk got me curious and I couldn't stand it so on a Sunday night I ran to dollar store and bought a cheap test. I knew Monday morning was 5 days early but what the heck. I told myself I was not getting worked up as usual, not waking up at 3:00 am hoping it was time to get up and pee on a stick. I slept great. 6:30 am rolled around and I casually stumbled out of bed. There was the pregnancy test waiting for me in the bathroom. "Just do it" I told myself. So I did, and I waited, and waited, and I couldn't look because I didn't want to see one red line mocking me. But when I glanced down I say a very faint second line. WHAT???? Is this real or an evaporation line due to a cheap test. Of course Brody rushed in, "Did you take it?" I just held it up.

"Oh" was all he said.

"You don't see the very faint second line" I asked.

"Kinda" he said.

"Well they say a line is a line but it's a cheap test so who knows" I said.

And we left it at that. I got dressed and took Wade to daycare and went on to school. It was very hard to stay focused long enough to teach that day. FINALLY 3:45 rolled around. I rushed to Target and grabbed a box of first response and a digital test. I ran by to grab Wade, and rushed home. There wasn't much time. We were having our church small group for dinner that night. I still had to get things prepared for that. I tried a first response first, within seconds a clear second pink like popped up. WHAT!!! Now for the digital! Blink, Blink, Blink...PREGNANT! OH MY GOSH! Praise the Lord. Thank you, thank you, thank you Lord. My hands were literally shaking I couldn't believe it. Brody would be home any second. I quickly wrapped the digital test in a little gift sack and set it on our bed. He came in to change and just walked right past it. REALLY I thought!!!

"Here! Here is something for you putting up with my craziness this week!" I said.

He just took the sack and opened it. The biggest ear to ear grin came across his face. I think he was so shocked he couldn't even speak!

"WELL, say SOMETHING!"

He just hugged and kissed me and laughed and said thank you Lord!!!

"Are you excited?"

"I'm THRILLED BABE!" he said.

And that's how Baby Wright entered our little family. THANK YOU LORD!!